The Mask Wars Have To Stop

And I am proposing a truce

Photo by Sarah Kilian on Unsplash

July 28 2020

As a now self-confessed conspiracy theorist, I have granted myself the moral authority to call out my own team — something that, in my humble opinion, has been forfeited by anyone who has haughtily dismissed a theory about the covert nefariousness of our world without investigating it themselves.

So, without further ado: if there is one thing that gives me the shits no end about a large proportion of the conspiracy world, it is their capacity to choose self-righteousness over bridge-building.

Case in point: masks.

Urgh. Seriously.

WHY ARE YOU DYING ON A HILL OVER MASKS.

Apologies for the caps. Actually, not really.

I don’t wanna wear a mask, just like everyone. Unlike most of these people, I don’t think we should have to wear masks: when the scientific jury still seems to be out on their effectiveness, and when trusted health authorities such as Dr. Anthony Fauci and the World Heath Organisation were originally telling us they weren’t necessary.

Sure, things change. Apparently, to the extent that we should now be mandated and shamed to wear masks that state clearly and surprisingly unambiguously on their packaging that they will not protect from the thing that they are being worn to protect from. See, I resisted the urge to use caps that time.

But these are minor quibbles. Again, I’m all about the bigger picture.

Because I also don’t particularly care about wearing a mask. I don’t care if it symbolizes subjugation to authority. I don’t care if it may well be the first step towards a slippery slope of 1984-esque oppression and tyranny by passive consent. I do care, as a general rule, about not being a dick.

My lungs also seem pretty good, despite some of my worst habits, so I’ll cop a bit of oxygen deprivation for a worthy cause.

Plus, like many a PhD graduate, I always wanted a chance to look and feel like a real Doctor, so this might be the closest I get.

Although, I’m not settling for a scarf or a bandana. Don’t give me this rubbish that, with all the cash these Neo-liberal Governments are splashing out at the moment, they can’t fork out to ensure the real deal for everyone.

So, here I am: proposing a truce.

Conspiracy theorists wear masks if conspiracy cynics start to care more about children being trafficked and abused in elite pedophile rings.

Deal? It seems fair enough. Even this wombat thinks so:

You really gonna argue with a wombat?

I’d like to chuck in children injured from adverse reactions to vaccines as well, but I don’t want to push my luck.

Maybe next time: just don’t expect me to be taking this vaccine to meet you halfway on that one.