That’s It: I’m Coming Out

I am a Conspiracy Theorist

Photo by Tom Radetzki on Unsplash

June 16 2020

Oh boy, wowee. Am I the only one who has noticed that Medium is getting a bit tense these days? It is rough out there.

Trump, it appears, has gone from a bumbling baffoon to a verified psychopath to the second coming of everyone’s least favourite appropriater of eastern religious symbolism for genocidal purposes. Call me controversial, but I think it is time Hinduism took the initiative to own the Swastika again. These asshats of history don’t get to tarnish these symbols forever.

Mass outdoor gatherings have transformed from festering virus-ridden hell-pits into one of the only remaining sources of righteousness in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for protesting at this juncture in history, as long as you have removed all hope of those hapless Democrats helping the situation while you do so.

But, man, that vibe really did shift fast, didn’t it?

Also: it seems conspiracy theorists are now officially the scourge of the Earth. Not just intellectually, even morally, but apparently also spiritually: they don’t even deserve to call themselves religious! Cop that, Christians who dare to take Ephesians 6 to heart.

If I hadn’t lived with vertigo for a good three years, I’d say it was making me dizzy, but I’m done with that.

In fact, I’m done with this whole charade. While I watch many of my fellow rabbit hole descenders take the brunt of the outraged masses as they dare to question the Official Narrative, here I am hedging my bets on the fence, happy with the splinters as long as I am shielded from this wrath.

So here I am, to show my support. I Am A Conspiracy Theorist.

To be fair, I don’t think I am that bad. I’m close to 100% sure the Earth isn’t flat, for example. My liberal friends and family seem concerned, but aren’t thinking of committing me to a psych ward, which is promising. I’ve even managed to get a few on to my side.

Sure, I believe a lot of things that I don’t have the guts to reveal here. Ok fine. I think 9/11 was an inside job, but try watching this 5 minute video and convince me otherwise.

I am also prepared to say that I believe in aliens. Although, surely, with the state of life on this planet as it is, I can’t be faulted for hoping that there is life beyond it? I’m ready for the invasion at this point, even if it is fake.

I’m ok with the judgment. As a good ol’ white, cis, liberal (up until recently anyway) dude, I’m happy to put my privilege where my mouth is.

And, it goes without saying, you don’t have to agree with me. In fact, I do enjoy the smugness that comes in believing I know something that the sheeple don’t.

This is for me, not you.

Although, if you could agree with me that 9/11 was an inside job — or at the very least, that two jet planes aren’t capable of taking down 3 separate jet-fuel-fire-proof high rise buildings — that would certainly be a bonus!